Random Thoughts #1

Juan was asking other night why I post so much to Instagram (@bythespanishlagoon), but write so little to my blog. I have this thing called perfectionism, and it has kind of sabotaged many things in my life, and I’m working hard so that I could ease a little bit. One the way of easing up is that I post right now the most basic, little bit ugly photos to Instagram and try ignore my nagging mind. But writing a blog post is difficult because it goes something like this:

  1. I got an idea, most of the times very late in the night
  2. I start to write sentences in my mind, and nothing goes paper
  3. I look at the subject from a different perspective and play with it.
  4. It stays in my brain
  5. I question if this is interesting or not
  6. In the end, I write nothing and the Idea slowly fades away  

Very effective.

Maybe I should look for some help from others who have similar problems. I was writing another sentence on another, though; I got an idea for this one. I wrote, “I,” jumped back to the other thought and forgot what I was thinking in this one. Now feeling really frustrated.

It’s incredible how boring person I seem to be after watching some YouTubers. I know that they are not like that 24/7, but it’s all show. Still, it makes you wonder if I should make the same kind of effort sometimes and be out there doing crazy stuff.

This is the problem with my perfectionism. It’s incredibly hard to write even random thoughts as I immediately start to think if they are interesting enough. The point of this is not to create something amazing, but simply write down whatever comes to my mind. I hate being a perfectionist, it just makes life so much more difficult when you aim for the starts, and because of that, you don’t do anything because it doesn’t meet my standards. Also life in general is so dissapointing sometimes because I have the idea in my head how it’s going to be and it’s never that way. As one frind once said: “life failed to meet Pauliina’s expectations.” How sad! 

I’m writing down multiple thoughts and working at the same time. Not good. 

I have been looking into LiteCoin, and the price is still too high for my liking. I need to make some side hustle money since financially this past 30 days were not good, and I screwed up my savings goal. Or actually, it wasn’t me; it was life in general.

It’s interesting how I jump between the written thoughts and add a little bit of text to all of them. I wonder if social media has already “damaged” my brain to the point where it’s tough to focus for a long period on one thing.

I want to write something about coronavirus, I have thoughts, but maybe I should try to make a longer post about how it’s messing up our Airbnb rental. The next property will likely go for normal rental as a holiday rental is riskier business and takes more effort & time. I have tried to grind some reservations for upcoming months, but no one is not interested, and it’s springtime! We should be booked! There have been lots of messages for people wanting to rent it for nine months or so on, but of course, we have lots of reservations for July & August, so we can’t do it. A little bit of bad luck here!

In a way, this is like journaling that I have been doing in one calendar I purchased. Highly effective, but I have noted that if I just put down negative thoughts, that’s how I see the world. Negative & gray. No, it’s not good to block the negative out, but you should remind yourself of the things that are good right now and what makes you happy. So that there is a balance. Write down the ugly, good & beautiful. Just like life is.

On that, though, my mind is currently pretty empty, so I will just post these raw, unedited thoughts. 

Just because I can!