There has been a long break in writing, and yes, not ideal, but what can you do when you don’t find the time or inspiration?
Yeah, I know what they say about writing even when you don’t feel like, but I’m not one of those who can pull it off.
So what’s my excuse? Life!
After I got back to my feet from that unfortunate gastro inflammation, I flew to Helsinki for three days business/pleasure trip (I guess it was more pleasure really).
After returning home, we had to start to organize things for Juan’s trip to Japan and transfer Yulka and me to Torremolinos so that I can clean and pack up the flat.
Yep, we are moving together! It felt so good when I paid the last rent knowing that all my stuff and my life will be with Juan in Fuente de Piedra.
Right now, everything is more or less chaotic, and part of the reason is that Juan is not here.
When I returned from Helsinki, he picked me up from the airport, and there was certainly tension in the air. Poor guy had missed me so much that he was not even happy that I was back. I was still in a high mood after a fun trip, so there was a moment when I thought to myself that maybe I should have stayed longer as I had a time of life thing going on.
So we ended up setting rules on how to deal with it when the other half of the team is returning from travels.
“Life just sucks when you are not here, can’t live without you” was his defense speech, and now after being one week alone in Torremolinos, I totally get what he meant.
I miss him so much that it’s difficult to sleep, my mood is lower than low tide; life seems empty and meaningless, and everything is just exhausting in general. I guess my music choices do not help with that:
Great times! It might be that I need to remind myself of the “returning party” rules when I see him again and that he needs to fake happiness when I will hop on a plane in August.
So what is lucky about all of this? I think it’s the part that we found each other with all the “If” variables.
It was on the 9th of March when I went to the Torremolinos train station with Yulka. My friend had changed the train in the last minute, so I went there an hour later than what we originally agreed on. There is a big old tree that has a round stone bench around it. A man was sitting already there, so as a Finnish person, I left some space between us. But Yulka disagreed on that and started to pull and wag her tail to this stranger. So we began to talk, and after him checking if I was waiting for boyfriend he asked my number, and that’s how it all began.
We would have never met if:
-Back in 2015, not adopting Yulka
-Being still with my ex
-Not befriend my friend in Mijas
-Not moving to Torremolinos in December
-If my friend had come with earlier train
-If Juan was not waiting for his friend under that tree.
-If he was not bold enough to ask my number
There are so many variables that it seems incredible that we met in the first place, and that’s why I feel so lucky today.
As I have been packing my life here, I remembered that I planned that I would live in this flat for a couple of years at least before moving to anywhere else. I was not expecting to meet anyone who would turn my life upside down.
Life is so funny and unpredictable.
“It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings